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18
Female
5ft3
100 lb
Walking through the city of Madison, Wisconsin
3 grams of mushrooms taken orally at 1:30 pm alone.
I am beginning to feel the coming up anxiety.
Body discomfort is apparent, though there is very little nausea.
Shivers take over my entire body. I feel extremely cold and blankets do not relieve the terrible coldness I feel going through my entire body.
My bones feel very good to move. My body feels a bit better and I have less anxiety.
Just so cold.
Feeling much better, I have tons of energy. I am now going outside.
I proceeded to walk outside and become one with the music, but for some reason, something did not feel right. I was tripping yet it felt so different from my previous trips. My mind felt like it was overwhelmed with anxiety. I decided to head back inside to fight my subconscious. What ensued was utter madness. My mind was in chaos and slowly, over the next hour, I put it back together. At some point, self-hatred, anxiety, and self-doubt ceased to become logical. When you have seen what I have seen, there can be no room for self-doubt. There can be no room for fear. I once again felt compassion and love for myself and along with that, compassion and love for all of humanity. I cannot fully describe the events that took place, but after an hour, I had both won and lost the battle. I grieved for the I who had lost and cheered for the I who had won. I still have issues to work out, but I had fought enough for today. I knew without a doubt, that I am capable of overcoming all of my struggles, personal problems, and emotional baggage. The journey will not be easy, but it is something that I have to do. I closed the door to the apartment, mentally visualizing it as the door to the dark parts of my subconscious and walked outside to the light of my mind. As soon as I walked outside, I began tripping balls. Really tripping balls. My perspective was not completely clouded with culture, drama, and meaningless problems. The beauty of my existence, my loved ones, and my position in the universe were finally put into perspective. I experienced rapidly fired thoughts, euphoria, and visuals. I wrote in my notebook: *I have found god. I have found all of the answers of suffering. The answers are inside myself. I am god. Tripping allows you to see inside the control panel of your mind. Beyond all the daily annoyances (your inner life) there is the answer. There is god. God is inside of you. All you must do is close the door on what has made you “you” and endless possibilities await you. The answers are inside you. I cannot communicate with language what I have felt, I can only communicate with music. I have found god. I am god. God is everywhere. God is in everyone. We are all god, but only few realize it.*
I spent the rest of my trip walking outside. I walked for 6 hours straight and never got tired, listening to Shpongle and Bluetech. The universe whispered to me its secrets. I have forgotten most of them, but even now, I feel them inside of me. I may only have direct access while I am tripping, but I know that it is always there inside of me.
